ouch.

Sorry ppl, haven't been blogging lately... will continue the posting of pics after CNY: don't worry josh ur camp pics are sure to come up ;)

Anyway, to much has happened where should i start....

k. Thursday.
shimin, renxin, wanwei n i signed up for some inter house drama thingy in school and we had a screening on thursday. it was something like an audition where they made us... act. duh. everything was okay i guess til we had to come up front n talk until we were told to stop. then repeat what we said with a given character.

Shimin went up first - talking was no problem lar of course, problem would be whether they could get her to stop when she was told to. And then they made her act like some mentally ill patient - again, all she had to do was be herself. Then they made her act like a newly widowed woman. Wow. she did it very very well.

Ren xin, needless to say was SUPERB. haha no need elaboration lar.

Wan wei did great too! with her japanese rendition of geisha n acting as a 4 yr old bratty girl.

When it came to me somehow the world started to spin - everything happened so fast. I said some things really fast then i couldn't go on. And when the guy asked me to act like a prostitute i was just dumbstruck lar. I practically got into a nervous fit n laughed most of the time, mumbling some words along the way.

In a nutshell - i looked like a complete idiot.

Then he made me act like an old woman- same thing lar.

I dunno why leh.

I've never experienced such a degree of stage fright before.

Never in my life.

Not even during duet acting in form 3 or drama in form 4.

That screening was probably the worst of the worst. of the worst.

maybe i just can't act :/

that really got me thinking. and i realised it wasn't only that. everything in my life lately has been crumbling to the ground. Even if i looked cheery on the outside inside i was falling apart. I feel so far away from God.

Is God trying to get my attention?

That night i went back n slept through out study time, only to wake up at about 11pm.

I felt so empty inside, i felt so worthless. I'm a talentless, fickle-minded hypocrite. I started to hate myself.

Time and time again i know what i have to do and yet i dont' do it. Day after day after day and i waste my life away. Repented, reached out to God and yet i fall back.

This time i put aside 1 hr to seek God and read His word. I cried. I haven't cried for a long time. It felt good.

I haven't been spending enough time, doing enough to love God, myself and my family. I guess its time to start.
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Next day.

i got back my numerical methods test and i got 5 out of 14. I failed terribly. I'm starting to get accustomed to failure somehow. I felt crappy again but I desperately do not want to fall back. Not another second to waste. No time for self pity!

Watched renxin perform, cheered for her. Called ling na (my Chinese cell mate who has to stay in Singapore for CNY) to say goodbye. wRote a note for renxin n talked to sir sammy before i went to catch the bus back to KL for cny.

On the way out I was feeling better again (:

I met this uncle on the way to the bus stop and we started talking. Apparently he's a worker at ACS. He was real nice.

Anyway we went separate ways i took the bus then took the MRT to outram. But by the time i reached there i realised it was already 3:27pm! The bus leaves at 3:30!!!

Oh man. I prayed hard.

I ran up to the taxi stand and asked the man in front of me if he could let me go first. He let me go ahead straight away! Thank God.

At that very moment a taxi arrived and i hopped on without waiting. The taxi uncle said he knew where the stop was and he could take me there in a jiffy. PHEW.

so i asked, " uncle ar? how long more before we reach ar?"

he said, "very fast one, about half an hour".

OMG.

That was like the worst moment of my life. The bus company said it would leave at 3:35pm sharp! no more CNY for me...In the end it seemed like i wasn't gonna make it. My heart plunged. Then just at that very moment, the uncle said,

"aiya joking only lar. haha, 5 minutes can reach".

he even had the nerve to laugh.

I was dumbstruck. I just stared blankly i really dunno how to react but inside i was screaming AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the worst joke ever in history!

In the end, by God's grace, i reached at 3.34pm. Boarded the bus. Bumped into joleen. Phew.
tHAnk God! (:

That's all for now, Happy CNY!!