ouch.

Sorry ppl, haven't been blogging lately... will continue the posting of pics after CNY: don't worry josh ur camp pics are sure to come up ;)

Anyway, to much has happened where should i start....

k. Thursday.
shimin, renxin, wanwei n i signed up for some inter house drama thingy in school and we had a screening on thursday. it was something like an audition where they made us... act. duh. everything was okay i guess til we had to come up front n talk until we were told to stop. then repeat what we said with a given character.

Shimin went up first - talking was no problem lar of course, problem would be whether they could get her to stop when she was told to. And then they made her act like some mentally ill patient - again, all she had to do was be herself. Then they made her act like a newly widowed woman. Wow. she did it very very well.

Ren xin, needless to say was SUPERB. haha no need elaboration lar.

Wan wei did great too! with her japanese rendition of geisha n acting as a 4 yr old bratty girl.

When it came to me somehow the world started to spin - everything happened so fast. I said some things really fast then i couldn't go on. And when the guy asked me to act like a prostitute i was just dumbstruck lar. I practically got into a nervous fit n laughed most of the time, mumbling some words along the way.

In a nutshell - i looked like a complete idiot.

Then he made me act like an old woman- same thing lar.

I dunno why leh.

I've never experienced such a degree of stage fright before.

Never in my life.

Not even during duet acting in form 3 or drama in form 4.

That screening was probably the worst of the worst. of the worst.

maybe i just can't act :/

that really got me thinking. and i realised it wasn't only that. everything in my life lately has been crumbling to the ground. Even if i looked cheery on the outside inside i was falling apart. I feel so far away from God.

Is God trying to get my attention?

That night i went back n slept through out study time, only to wake up at about 11pm.

I felt so empty inside, i felt so worthless. I'm a talentless, fickle-minded hypocrite. I started to hate myself.

Time and time again i know what i have to do and yet i dont' do it. Day after day after day and i waste my life away. Repented, reached out to God and yet i fall back.

This time i put aside 1 hr to seek God and read His word. I cried. I haven't cried for a long time. It felt good.

I haven't been spending enough time, doing enough to love God, myself and my family. I guess its time to start.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next day.

i got back my numerical methods test and i got 5 out of 14. I failed terribly. I'm starting to get accustomed to failure somehow. I felt crappy again but I desperately do not want to fall back. Not another second to waste. No time for self pity!

Watched renxin perform, cheered for her. Called ling na (my Chinese cell mate who has to stay in Singapore for CNY) to say goodbye. wRote a note for renxin n talked to sir sammy before i went to catch the bus back to KL for cny.

On the way out I was feeling better again (:

I met this uncle on the way to the bus stop and we started talking. Apparently he's a worker at ACS. He was real nice.

Anyway we went separate ways i took the bus then took the MRT to outram. But by the time i reached there i realised it was already 3:27pm! The bus leaves at 3:30!!!

Oh man. I prayed hard.

I ran up to the taxi stand and asked the man in front of me if he could let me go first. He let me go ahead straight away! Thank God.

At that very moment a taxi arrived and i hopped on without waiting. The taxi uncle said he knew where the stop was and he could take me there in a jiffy. PHEW.

so i asked, " uncle ar? how long more before we reach ar?"

he said, "very fast one, about half an hour".

OMG.

That was like the worst moment of my life. The bus company said it would leave at 3:35pm sharp! no more CNY for me...In the end it seemed like i wasn't gonna make it. My heart plunged. Then just at that very moment, the uncle said,

"aiya joking only lar. haha, 5 minutes can reach".

he even had the nerve to laugh.

I was dumbstruck. I just stared blankly i really dunno how to react but inside i was screaming AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the worst joke ever in history!

In the end, by God's grace, i reached at 3.34pm. Boarded the bus. Bumped into joleen. Phew.
tHAnk God! (:

That's all for now, Happy CNY!!

holidays december 2005

before i begin....

this is probably one of the best holidays i've had!!! wow.
btw - to everyone out there having photos of my christmas party and our absolutely WONDERFUL genting trip pls send it to me!! :)

my dear Quinee n me on genting skyway

someone's been waiting for this photo for a long long time. haha. Lester the HUNK.

the horrible state of my room - packing to go home

from my dear kichimayom - she's left :(

i miss you kichi.

all set and ready to go.

i'm home? already?

helped my toudai lupwai with his bio project. The best bug-catching experience of my life! (I caught a huge dragonfly!) :)

my other toudai - foogie. The jay chou crazy one.

from sir sammy of the accoms comm - BB camp temasek IV (one of the best camps i've been to!)

the beloved messy team :)

far left: the injured messy tim. aww.

chicken bones, messing stones, chicken stocks, messing rocks! :) messy outing.

messy kirsty n me :)

----------------------------------to be continued--------------------

bb day.

happy belated BB Day!!! :)

hehe. BB Day was yesterday but sadly to me it was just like any other day :(
being the only AC primer (and only girl primer, i do believe) in AJ... it really sucks :(

i thought you had to apply for permission to wear full BB uniform on BB day but it turns out some guy in AJ just went on ahead with it. hmm. Glad to know there are other primers around :)

anyway, coincidentally it was my BB Captain's birthday too! I told him i didn't wear full BB U to school and he called me chicken. Haha. Happy birthday Mr.Chew! :)

May I take this opportunity to appreciate my beloved BB captain.

No one knows why his BB company is 90% girls, but i do believe he's thankful for a bunch of sweet, motivated, enthusiastic, helpful, bubbly, cheery, and most importantly, smart, gals instead of yet another bunch of rotten Boys. Haha.( joking lar) Anyway, Mr.Chew's really good when it comes to matters of the heart and wow. He's just about as good as another girl friend to confide in. And he's super duper generous. Haha. He just loves us so much lar. I will always remember the time when he bought chicken rice for us in the middle of the night during temasek camp IV. :)

----That put aside, now is complaint time.

Aiyo i had 3 tests on BB day itself. So horrible!
I had chinese and math test during lecture periods respectively, had class all the way through to PE at 4.15pm. We were happiliy running our 2.4km, as mr.Sanusi had said that we were free to go after we finished. But it rained when we were into our 5th round. Oh joy! We were transfered to the school hall where mr.Sanusi made us do sit ups n jump ropes n push ups n all that rubbish till 5.15pm!

and GP test was at 5.30!! GP test was manageable lar actually, don't think i can score though, but omg, GP test ended at 7pm.

All J2s were rushing out to the mrt n the bus stations to get home after a long horrible day. Same went for me. I reached the hostel at 8 but thank God for my roomie who again saved my day by reminding me to pack my dinner. Haha i was so hungry i could've eaten a horse. :P

----------------today-----

went for gals' prayer meeting at tiff-ah-nee's house today. It was me, janis, tiffany, jessie, alex n geraldine. 1.5 solid hours of continuous prayer. WOW! Like tiffany said, it felt like the spirit person inside of us just went to the gym we felt so much stronger iniside! Haha. i feel muscly hehe. (i felt like i could do 10 i-pulls inside of me hehe).

anyway what i really really need this year is to be closer to God, and to grow in Him. AND I need to start doing that now! now now now!!! :( Life is short my dears. Don't take it for granted. I may not live to do something SUPERBLY HUMUNGOUSLY GREAT for God so i'll live everyday as if it were my last to be able to make a difference :)

----------------a lil' out of topic---------------------

blog more bout my 'brothers' ar anthony? haha. my pleasure :)

haha. yep those 2 tall guys with the funny faces are my 2 beloved 'tai kor's.(got no pictures of eric) Haha. my fav games group leaders who are absolutely horribly funny to core. Yep. I remember the 4 stages of making people laugh and i really do believe they've hit the 4th stage. They made me act like some crazy woman in the Spiderman scene where this horrible roadside singer-violinist is singing the spiderman theme song. And they started calling me crazy woman thereafter. Haha. But i can tell you that these 2 guys are just gifted in acting lar haha. The guy with the funny face, anthony, was mary-jane and the other one, aaron was spiderman.we didn't win that year though haha. This year though, aaron and eric's group won with their super creative TELEKOM ad, and yep he swept the best actor award sumore. Haha. It was really the best one i've seen yet. :) Anyway, these 2 taikors are great ppl who are ever willing to send a friend off even if they stay miles away, to borrow some person's car just to make sure they make it in time for dinner with a friend, to cry like girls when they send their 'brother' off, and would never hesitate to jump on a merry-go-round and have the most fun out of it, the fact that multiple pairs of eyes were staring wildly at them didn't seem to have bothered them. Haha. Great ppl. :)

--------------- out of topic again: my favourite pair of siblings in the world -------

Jiehan, me n Jiekai on the MRT. hehe. my favourite pair of siblings in the world!!

:P

But i think i like jie han more. Hehe. sorry jie kai. your little brother is adorable.

love revolution.

joyce meyers' message today at church was great!
wow. i really can't believe she's 62! she has so much energy in her, and God's spirit moves so powerfully in her!

i've really felt so far away from God lately. I just can't tell why. It's like my heart's not as soft as it used to be. I feel kinda numb sometimes. Quiet time has become obligation and i just don't feel the fire anymore. I sometimes don't even feel like bothering about the school n hostel prayer group, like "what's the point? i have homework to do no time for this..." ... But today's service has sorta poked me in the rib and remind me that it's MY RESPOSIBILITY to keep the passion going on for God! :) Her message was downright practical and the point was so clear cut:-

Love yourself and love life!

she mentions that we all have a relationship with ourselves! how much we love ourselves is somehow how much we'll end up loving others. In fact, you're probably not gonna like anything else if you don't love yourself. Get to know who you really are and stop trying to be someone else! Recieve God's love! If you're really filled with the Holy Ghost you should be happy! It's simple logic isn't it, we're guaranteed a place in heaven! Life on earth should then be a celebration shouldn't it?

and what better way to enjoy life than to love. She says she wants to start a love revolution, where everyone's drunk on God's love and the overwhelming love just flows outta you! There's so much power in the little things in life! There are so many opportunities that come by each day to do the little things for others that makes so much difference! Just like Jesus! Imagine having just been ressurected from death! And what does he do? He makes his disciples breakfast! The great n almighty God, in all his glory n splendour, makes his disciples breakfast with his holy hands! :) It's the little things that make us love Jesus so much isn't it? It's how he washes his disciples feet, how he stops to heal hurts and just how he expresses his perfect love in the simplest ways :) wow.

oh n here's a great idea:-
+ when you're not happy, go n make someone else happy!
+ when you're feeling lonely, go to someone who's worse off than you and make him or her feel less lonely

wow wow wow. great day at church and a message in due season.

p/s: thanks kwang ying again for taking out the trash and jie kai for the CD :)

here i come dear Jesus, light me up inside! :)

puberty not over. haha. :)

had height n weight measurement at PE today.
i can check new year resolution no.12 off as of today haha.
i grew 1cm taller now i'm 169cm and growing!!! :D
on the not-so-bright side, i put on 3 kgs. (my weight is secret)

this week has been horribleee. so much homework (lesson learnt: finish holiday assignment during holiday). i passed up both my math n my econs homework half-done. i really really tried
:( it's more homework for me again this weekend.

went for girls-night-out with my cellgroup girlfriends today at NYDC. had a lil' heart to heart chat bout the BGR. haha.it's great to hear how God has standards for us girls n now i come to think bout it i don't think i've lived up to His standards somehow, but i will start now :) I've missed everyone at e314 nice seeing Huizhen, Tiff-ah-nee, Janis, Jessie, Pamela n Ling Na again :D i love u girls.

kichimayom no more.

it's so horrible!!!!!

roll call time...
no one to scream 'roll call!' or 'kwwwwaaaangggg ying!', no one to run up and poke us halfway to the study room, no one to threaten to stuff us in the toilet bowl or throw us out the window. no one to teach me hindi or punjabi anymore, or teach me bollywood songs, or to take us to little india's best vegetarian stalls and show us around Mustaffa's. No one to read aloud from the Coxford Singlish Dictionary and laugh ourselves silly with when everyone else is so stressed out. No one to cry with and rant about feeling homesick (kwang ying never misses home) . No one to call kichimayom anymore. I miss you kichimayom. :(


but when i come to think of it, even if she hadn't gone back to malaysia, she'd have to move to NUS high hostel anyway. We were just not meant to be :( Oldham Hall 6-03 just won't be the same without you.

anyway i thank God i still have aunty kwang ying here with me hehe. at least i'm not the only one who misses her :)

and WUI JIA!!! .... ANNA arrr... why? why ? why? our hostel prayer group was STARTED by u guys! Why would God take you guys away to NUS High? Oldham Hall needs you. i miss you guys. i miss talking and laughing, even waiting for each other when someone's late for prayer. i've learnt so much from you guys.

but nonetheless, i promise to carry on with the prayer group... that's what Jesus would do, and He moved you guys away for a reason i guess. Go take NUS High by stor!! missing you guys. (:

enough complaining, let's look at today's achievements:

• homework accomplished: 3 incomplete questions of numerical methods
• well erm...
• yeah er....
• hmmm...
• oops.....

... it DEFINITELY felt like i'd done more! :(

happy lar u renxin. She did ONE more question more than me and laughed at me about it. so horrible!!! i thought you were my friend aiyo...

anyway. school starts tomorrow!!!!

new year resolutions must be kept, and it WILL be.

cya!

back

this time 'round, saying goodbye wasn't half as difficult as the last time i did. No choked up feeling, no teary eyes...

thanks jonashua for coming over to say goodbye today. i appreciate that (:

i met sarah lai n david on the coach to singapore! i met them at church camp and found out that sarah's working in singapore and david is a singaporean studying at NUS. i got to know them and wow we're on the same coach to singapore. it's a small world after all hehe. both of them look quite sweet together i'd say hahaha, we exchanged numbers. Hopefully we'll meet up someday.

my roomie kwang ying came to help me with my luggage!!
i haven't been so happy to see someone for such a long long time. i really really really really really miss my roomies. my manpreet kichimayom too.

back in oldham hall...

the place looks like it's under renovation... leftovers from christmas - the christmas tree, decorations looked quite out of place haha. Had a hard time getting my stuff from the storeroom and cleaning the room n unpacking. argh. but i had good help. thanks kwang ying! (:

on the not-so-bright side, all AC scholars have been moved to NUS high boarding school! I didn't think too much of it til i realised anna n wui jia will no longer be here!! I really don't know what's gonna become of our hostel prayer group now... :(

oh God. help me!

i'll miss you, you, you and you. you too.

it's been great to be back home and doesn't time fly. Just had my last dim sum lunch with my family and I'm leaving in 2 hours time and school starts on tuesday. this has been one of the best holidays ever.

special thanks to my friends who so willingly fit me into slots of their busy scheduele (:
-- ooi yong, jsoh, kok yi, ivan, lup wai, foogie, joshua, ying roe, shing, yee wah, jon, yew jhin, lohon, zhao xing, jess, shing n everyone else. hope i didn't leave anyone out. i love you guys.

til next year. i'll miss you guys. bye bye. (: